Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
