Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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