We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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