# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
