My underwear smells like fireworks.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
