therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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