News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
