Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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