I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
