My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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