Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
