very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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