It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We have started to decorate penises.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
