also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
