I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
