Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
