I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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