She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
