Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
