oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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