If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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