you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
