I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
