drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
