I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
