Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
