This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
