Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
