True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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