Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize