Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
