On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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