its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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