fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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