the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
