I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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