Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
