Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
