Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
