I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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