Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh god it's open bar.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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