remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
