i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
