i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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