He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
