so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
