I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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