24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
