I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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