Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
