Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize