is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
