im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
