I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
