And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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