Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
