my being single is dangerous.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
