I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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