dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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