i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
