In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
