You made me cry and you don't even care
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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