So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
