Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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