was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
