Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
