Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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