Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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