When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
